读后续写-避开“对话”五大误区-课件.pptx

1、避开避开“对话对话”五大误区五大误区读后续写“Hey,how are you?”“Im fine,how are you?”“How is the weather?”“Terrific!Nice day for a walk,isnt it?”现实生活中这样的对话很真实，但小说毕竟是艺术加工，所以无助情节发展、不能刻画人物性格的日常寒暄和偏离文章主线的对话绝对不能用。不要用无助于故事情节发展、不能精准刻画人物性格、偏离文章主线的对话。误区一：废话连篇“That is a fantastic news,”he said happily.此句完全没有必要加上一个happily来表达说话的方式，因为

2、句中的fantastic一词足以说明说话人的表情，过度强调会让读者的注意力集中在“说话的方式”而不是“说话的内容”上。可改为：“That is a fantastic news!”he said/screamed/exclaimed.一个感叹号和一个fantastic已经足以让读者想象当时的情景。适当的“艺术留白”也是需要的，这样会留给读者想象的空间。另一种避免过度使用对话的方法就是运用动作描写来取代。如：Her eyes reflected the candlelight as she smiled at her son.“Everyone is unique.Just follow you

3、r heart and be yourself!”不可过度强调对话的方式。误区二：过于花哨(1)“I cant believe it,”Emma gasped.(2)“Thats hilarious,”Henry chuckled.以上两句是把动作描写和对话混淆了，试想一下，谁能gasp（喘息）、chuckle（轻笑）出一句话？显然这样用词是不恰当的。可改为：(1)“I cant believe it,”Emma said with a gasp.(用来引出对话的单词said+with介词短语)Emma gasped.“I cant believe it.”(动作描写+句号)“I cant b

4、elieve it.”Emma gasped.(句号结尾的对话+动作描写)(2)“Thats hilarious!”Henry chuckled.(感叹句结束+动作描写)“Thats hilarious,”Henry said,chuckling.(用来引出对话的单词said+分词作伴随状语)一定要注意对话中的标点符号一定要注意对话中的标点符号禁止错误使用引出对话的单词。误区三：用词不当“I told you already,”I said,glaring.此句对话中的主语“I”已经清晰地说明了说话者，完全没有必要用“I said”来说明说话对象。可改为：I glared at him.“I

5、told you already.”加上一些动作描写就可以避免这种错误，还可以让语言更生动。对话对象十分明确的情况下，无须添加用来引出对话的单词。误区四：多此一举“How can you do this?”she said angrily,looking at me furiously.此句很短却用了两个副词。过度使用副词只会让阅卷老师觉得学生词汇匮乏。以下有两种避免过度使用副词的方法：(1)积累相关的能突出表达各种情景和情感的词汇不可频用副词，让阅卷人觉得词汇匮乏。误区五：频用副词Emotions&FunctionsRelevant Verbsangershouted,yelled,snap

6、ped,cautioned,barked,warned.affectioncomforted,consoled,reassured,admired,soothed.excitementshouted,yelled,babbled,gushed,exclaimed.determinationdeclared,insisted,maintained,commanded,warned.happinesssmiled,screamed,cheered,laughed.sadnesscried,mumbled,sobbed,sighed.conflictsneered,hissed,scolded,de

7、manded,threatened.making upapologized,relented,agreed,reassured.amusementteased,joked,laughed,chuckled,sniggered,tittered,giggled,roared.storytellingcontinued.emphasized,remembered,recalled,resumed,concluded.(2)穿插动作描写辅助对话，刻画人物心情比较：“Thats not what you said yesterday,”she said,her voice implying she w

8、as withdrawing.“Thats not what you said yesterday.”She hesitated,turned and walked to the window.评析：两句话都不错，但第二句更高一筹。第一句用了imply和withdraw两个单词来说明主语she的心情，而第二句hesitate和后面的动作描写让主语she的犹豫心情跃然纸上。小说要的就是这种表达方式。Example 1原文内容：作者爸爸在阳台种植康乃馨，悉心呵护，作者一家都非常喜欢这些花。爸妈再三强调不允许作者和他姐姐触碰这些花。To our surprise,Dad was mad about

9、it,yelling at us,“Dont you know touching is not allowed?What on earth have you done?”赏析：反意疑问句和on earth的使用加强了语气，凸显了父亲的生气。对话实例&对话秘诀Example 2原文内容：母亲去世，哥哥外出。父女相约吃饭，引发了女儿对母亲和哥哥的思念，父亲读懂了女儿内心的想法，安慰女儿：母亲在天堂一定希望他们过得快乐，现在他们需要做的就是珍惜身边的人。Seeing this,my father lovingly held my hands and said to me,“Sweetheart,I

10、believe your mother must want you to live happily,so say goodbye to the past and embrace the present.Your brother and I will always be with you.”赏析：情感类的对话要求感人，触及内心，这点此对话做得不错。但是小编也要对此对话提出两点建议：文中的and said to me可删去，因为对话对象非常清楚，肯定是和我说。文中的your mother显得太疏远，亲人间相互称呼用Mom即可，这样更真实，贴近生活。Example 3原文内容：作者家里突然停电，虽然

11、弟弟觉得停电期间非常无聊，但是作者却非常享受停电的时间，享受“没有现代电子科技带来的干扰的”宁静片刻。Bzzz!The lights return.“Yeah,no more candles!”My mother yells,pulling me away from my fantasy.赏析：对话简洁自然，表达了说话者恢复用电时候的兴奋，对话外的词汇用得也很出色，分词的使用既丰富了语言也推动了情节的进一步发展。Example 4原文内容：主人公Jenny通过自身的劳动获得了心爱的项链，形影不离。父亲每日给她讲睡前故事。父亲故意试探女儿，问是否可以把项链给他。Jenny深爱爸爸但不舍得自己努力

12、得来的项链。A week later,her father once again asked Jenny after her story.“Jenny,you love me,dont you?Give me your pearls,okay?”“Daddy,why must you ask for the pearls?”Jenny refused again.“Not only did I finish all those chores,but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.”Th

13、ey both fell into silence.Then her father smiled,comforting her with a warm hug.“Thats okay,darling.Good night.”Several days later,when Jennys father came in to read her a story as usual,he was surprised to find something under the story book,which turned out to be the necklace.“Daddy,now you can ha

14、ve it.”Jenny raised her head,“You know,I love you.”Her father was moved beyond words.Slowly,he pulled something out of his pocket.It was a pretty necklace with real pearls shining.“The more you are willing to give,the more you are likely to receive.Thats the real meaning of sharing and giving.”Her f

15、ather helped Jenny put on the necklace.“You know,I love you,little one.”赏析：此文运用了大量的对话，主要是考虑到与前文的协同。大量的父女间的对话穿插一些旁白或动作描写很好地刻画了人物之间的冲突，细腻生动地刻画了人物心情。一般的读后续写不建议用太多的对话。适当的对话可以打破单调，推动情节，刻画人物性格。对于此文中的对话，小编也想提出一些建议：“Not only did I finish all those chores,but also I spent the dollar bill given for my birthday just to pay for it.”此句似乎为了使用not only,but also的倒装句型而写对话，显得很不自然。语句太长反而不能表达小女孩当时的生气。建议改为“Its mine!My efforts!”会显得更加简洁自然，同样起到了表达效果，符合人在生气时候的说话方式：短句、不完整句！“Jenny raised her head,”此处的逗号要改为句号。此句只能作为动作描写，而不能当作用来引出对话的句子。Thanks!