1、对第五档对第五档(21-25)(21-25)作文的描述：作文的描述：1.1. 与所给短文融洽度高，与所给短文融洽度高， 与所提供各段落、开头语与所提供各段落、开头语衔接合理。衔接合理。2.2.内容丰富，应用了内容丰富，应用了5 5个以个以上短文中标出的关键词上短文中标出的关键词语。语。3.3.所使用语法结构和词汇所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确，可能有些丰富、准确，可能有些许错误，但完全不影响许错误，但完全不影响意义表达；意义表达；4.4.有效地使用了语句间的有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑；文结构紧凑；Tips for writing: 1. Thorou
2、gh reading 2. Creative plotting （构思）（构思）3. Swift drafting4. Careful polishing5. Neat copying The presentReading：Step 1Step 1： Thorough ReadingThorough ReadingOpening paragraph: They say that blood is thicker than water, that our relatives are more important to us than others. Everyone was so kind to
3、 the old lady on her birthday. Surely her daughter would make an even bigger effort to please her?2. The old lady1. others3. her daughterPara. 1-5 1. What did others do to please the old lady? Mrs. Morrison Mrs. Grant Johnnie 2. What did the old lady do to celebrate her 80s birthday? What did she ex
4、pect? 1. Others: Mrs. Morrison: gave the flat an extra clean bought a card and a bunch of marigolds Mrs. Grant: made a cake prepared the afternoon tea Johnnie: gave a packet of mints offered to bring up her presents 2. the old lady: got up early to be ready for the post put on her best dress Languag
5、e appreciation:a good way to describe ones mental activitiesa good way to describe ones mental activities (Para. 4) Two spots of color brightened her cheeks. She was excited like a child. She would enjoy her day. She was so eager to get a present. “A person was very nervous.” His heart was beating w
6、ildly. He was sweating all over. she expected： （Para. 6)a present family affections; love from the daughter; to be remembered to be connected 3. Myra, the daughter （Para.2-3 ) Judging from the information in Para. 2-3 about Myra, what kind of person was Myra? Key words： rare occasions seldom wrote b
7、usy a medal for the aged2. The old lady1. others3. MyraPuzzle: Would Myra please her mother or let her down?Step 2Step 2： Creative plotting Reminder： Being creative doesnt mean you can write whatever you like. Continuation writing must be designed in a logical and reasonable way. And on top of that
8、being creative will be appreciated. logic+ creativity They say.Everyone kindher daughter.? rare occasions seldom a medal best clothes excited Mrs. Morrison Mrs. Grant Johnnie. slippercardiganlamp She stood by the window, watching. _ Almost reluctantly (unwillingly)she tore the envelope open._ Would
9、Myra please her mother or let her down?Myra？ She stood by the window, watching. _ Almost reluctantly she tore the envelope open._Use at least 5 of the following words: please, postman, arrange for, lovely, parcels, write, birthday, presents Step 3Step 3： Swift draftingOriginal ending: She stood by t
10、he window, watching. The postman turned round the corner on his bicycle. Her heart beat fast. Johnnie had seen him too and ran to the gate. Then clatter, clatter up the stairs. Johnnie knocked at her door. “Granny, granny,” he shouted, “Ive got your post. ”He gave her four envelopes. Three were unse
11、aled cards from old friends. The fourth was sealed, in Myras writing. The old lady felt a pang of disappointment. “No parcel, Johnnie?” “No, granny.” Maybe the parcel was too large to come by letter post .That was it .It would come later by parcel post. She must be patient. Almost reluctantly she to
12、re the envelope open. Folded in the card was a piece of paper. Written on the card was a message under the printed Happy BirthdayBuy yourself something nice with the cheque, Myra and Harold. The cheque fluttered to the floor like a bird with a broken wing. Slowly the old lady stooped to pick it up.
13、Her present, her lovely present. With trembling fingers she tore it into little bits.Summary: 1. What the best continuation articles are like content；language 2. Suggested procedure for writing; Tips for writing: 1. Thorough reading： 2. Creative plotting 3. Swift drafting 4. Careful polishing 5. Nea
14、t copying 3. A question to ponder: “How to treat our parents” “Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not look down upon your mother when she is old.” Bible Proverbs 23:22 我的续写思路基于以下几点：标题是礼物，这个礼物在文章末尾以怎么样的形式出现必然是文章高潮部分；血浓于水。每个周围的人都对这个老太那么好，这个女儿会做更大的努力让妈妈高兴吗？开篇留下这样的悬念，当然可以是悲剧结尾，也可以是大团圆结局。老太
15、的女儿的工作跟老年人有关，而因此得到一个奖项，我们可以把此点理解成一种讽刺。也可以为我要写的结局埋下伏笔。She stood by the window, watching. The postman came as usual. The old ladys heart beat wildly. How she wished for a special present from her daughter! Then came the knock. There was Johnnie, with several envelopes. No parcels at all! Her heart san
16、k! She scanned the envelopes swiftly, most of which were birthday cards from her lifelong friends. Then she picked out the one from her daughter.Almost reluctantly she tore the envelope open. “Dear mum, sorry to have let you down so many times whether on your birthdays or other occasions. I got a me
17、dal for my work for the aged, but I dont think I deserve it. For so long Ive neglected the most lovely aged person in my life, who needs my care and company. I know its time to ” Reading the letter, the old lady couldnt help but sob. Tears ran down her cheeks and dropped onto the letter. Just at tha
18、t moment, familiar steps drew closer and without doubt, the old lady knew that her most cherished present was finally coming.学生作品学生作品:版本1She stood by the window, watching. It seemed as if she had been standing there for a century, there appeared a postman in the distance. The old lady was so excited
19、 that her heart faster. Then she heard someone run upstairs and knock at the door，“Granny, its me, Johnnie. Ive got your letter.” “Letter?” The old lady asked, quickly walking towards the door.Almost reluctantly she tore the envelope open. However, there was only a cheque and a paper lying there, wh
20、ich said, “Mom, Im sorry I cant come to accompany you on your birthday. Buy something you like with the cheque. Happy Birthday.” The poor lady put them back into the envelope, with her hands trembling and tears running down her cheeks. 学生作品学生作品:版本版本2She stood by the window, watching. With time dragg
21、ing, a postman on the bike showed up. The bell rang. “Finally, my post is coming.” The old lady said to herself excitedly. And Johnnie clapped his hands and said, “Grandma, your daughter must send you a surprise present.” And the old lady smiled like a child. But to her disappointment, the postman o
22、nly held a letter for her. “No parcels?” she asked with doubt. “No, madam. Have a nice day, bye.”Almost reluctantly she tore the envelope open. It was a letter from her busy daughter. “Mom, happy birthday. Here is a ticket. We are too busy to stay with you. You can take the ticket to fly to us. Love
23、, from Myra.” The old lady couldnt help but tremble. She read again and again the letter as if she wanted to eat it up. Eventually, she threw the ticket into the dustbin. 学生作品学生作品:版本3She stood by the window, watching. Finally she saw Johnnie coming towards her house. But she could see clearly that t
24、here was no parcel in his hand. She felt extremely disappointed. After a while, Johnnie arrived and gave her an envelope. “No parcels. What a pity!” said Johnnie, “but maybe there will a surprise too big to put in a parcel.” With these words, he left before the old lady could ask him anything more.A
25、lmost reluctantly she tore the envelope open. A thin sheet fell down. It was a cheque. She burst into tears. She even felt an urge to tear the cheque into pieces. However, through the mist of her tears, she glanced at several sentences on the other side of the cheque, saying, “Mom, you knew I had go
26、t a medal. But I dont know whether I deserve it. So I decide to visit you on your birthday. Just wait for me.” Once again she stood by the window, watching. This time, she was waiting for her daughter. Two spots color brightened her cheeks. Kates risky journey:In wind and rain she started on her dif
27、ficult way. (情境描写情境描写)The storm had not washed this away, but there was no footpath across it. (场景描写场景描写)With great care she began the dangerous crossing, sometimes on her hands and knees, hardly daring to look down between the sleepers into the wild flood waters below. If she should slip, she would
28、 fall between the sleepers, into the rapidly flowing stream. (动作描写动作描写+心理描写心理描写+情境描写情境描写)平时如何积累语言表达：平时如何积累语言表达：201610201610浙江浙江A A篇：篇：话题语言：话题语言：话题语言：话题语言：The urgent situation:Suddenly another thought went through Kates mind like an electric shock. (副词运用副词运用+修辞比喻修辞比喻)If it were not stopped, that long
29、 train, full of passengers, would fall into the stream. (虚拟语气虚拟语气)But there was no time to rest. She still had to run more than half a mile and had only a few minutes left. (时空描述时空描述)Unless she reached the station before the express did, many, many lives would be lost. (关联句式关联句式+语词重复语词重复)She did rea
30、ch the station just as the train came into sight. (动动词强调词强调+副词强调副词强调)“The bridge is down! Stop the train! Oh, please stop it!” Kate shouted breathlessly. (语气句式语气句式+动作描写动作描写) The station-master went pale. (外貌描写外貌描写) 小词（副词）巧用：小词（副词）巧用：I strongly suggest thatI firmly believe thatI sincerely hope thatI
31、fully support thatAs is vividly shown in the picture thathave a profound effect ontake effective measures tomake a big difference toplay a vital role inIm terribly sorry that I lost your book accidentally.多种变式多种变式恰当的句式、用词：恰当的句式、用词：恰当的形容或副词：恰当的形容或副词：obviously, clearly, apparently, undoubtedly, simila
32、rly, (un)luckily, (un)fortunately, pitifully, sadly, surprisingly, accordingly, currently, personally, seemingly/apparently, absolutely, extremely, steadily, consequently, briefly, actually, completely/entirely等等 评注性状语：评注性状语：to be honest, to be frank, to be short, generally speaking, in a way, in so
33、me degree省略句：省略句：conj. + doing或或done /conj. + adj. 强调句：强调句：倒装句：（句中有介词短语或状语从句）倒装句：（句中有介词短语或状语从句）with引导的独立主格结构引导的独立主格结构非谓语动词非谓语动词使用被动句使用被动句: eg. It is generally believed that mutual understanding contributes to a permanent friendship.使用感叹句使用感叹句: eg. How terrible I felt today! I failed again in the tes
34、t.使用插入语、同位语使用插入语、同位语使用使用what引导的名词性从句引导的名词性从句使用虚拟语气使用虚拟语气使用复合句（形成长短之变、节奏之美）使用复合句（形成长短之变、节奏之美）使用谚语、习语使用谚语、习语使用特殊句式使用特殊句式如要表示如要表示“使使”，不要仅依靠，不要仅依靠make:a) This society still makes women unable to enjoy equal rights.b) Women are still denied equal rights.a) The incident made me recall one of my past exper
35、iences.b) The incident reminded me of one of my past experiences.如要表达如要表达“越来越越来越”，不要只使用，不要只使用more and more:a) More and more students find learning English has become more and more difficult.b) Students in growing numbers find learning English has become increasingly difficult.a) More and more teenag
36、ers smoke cigarettes in recent years.b) Teenage smoking is on the rise in recent years.a) More and more teachers are demanded with the development of economy.b) There is an increasing demand for teachers with the development of economy.如要表达如要表达“大多数大多数”，不要一味用，不要一味用most:a) Most students take a part-ti
37、me job after class.b) The vast majority of students take a part-time job after class.a) Most people take part in sports of different kinds.b) The considerable proportion of people take part in sports of different kinds.a) Most college students take a negative attitude towards smoking.b) The large pe
38、rcentage of college population take a negative attitude towards smoking.改变语态改变语态a) Many people think birth control is quite necessary in China. It is widely (commonly) thought /believed /held /(accepted) that birth control is quite necessary in China.b) He has made rapid progress in English. Rapid p
39、rogress has been made in English.c) We should make great efforts to prevent the environment from being destroyed. Great efforts should be made to prevent the environment from being destroyed.学会用名词结构来表达意思学会用名词结构来表达意思lThe style of living has become more and more popular and accepted by more and more y
40、oung people.The style of living has found its growing popularity and acceptance among young people.lIf we dont recognize the serious problem of growing population, we will make a big mistake.Failure to recognize the seriousness of growing population will lead to a big mistake.lIf we are watching too
41、 much TV, our reading ability will be seriously affected.Heavy exposure to TV will have a negative effect on our reading ability. While they were playing tennis, she started an argument that lasted all morning.During tennis, she started an argument lasting all morning.The novel, which is written in
42、three parts, tells a story that is set in the Middle Age. Written in three parts, the novel tells a story set in the Middle Age .用不同表述方式替代从句用不同表述方式替代从句（介词短语、分词形式、前置形容词等）（介词短语、分词形式、前置形容词等）A neighbor who would like to help others gets certain help in return.A helpful neighbor often receives help form
43、others in return.We sometimes make choices that put our lives in danger where death can occur. College students who do not have enough financial backing can apply needs-based scholarship. We sometimes make choices that put our life in risk. College students lacking enough financial backing can apply
44、 needs-based scholarship 转折词的替换：转折词的替换：The children at school were familiar with games, but Li Hua had never even heard of them. The silence of the room was broken by a sudden clap of thunder outside.The children at school were familiar with games that Li Hua had never even heard of .The room was si
45、lent, but suddenly there was a clap of thunder outside.灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性not only but also的替换：的替换：In his spare time, he not only loves surfing, but also web-surfing. In his spare time, he is a surfer of both waves and the internet. In his spare time, he loves not only surfing but also we
46、b-surfing. 灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性用名词短语或动名词短语做主语替换用名词短语或动名词短语做主语替换if 从句从句If we want to end a war quickly, we must lose it. Failure to pass the drug test will result in your job dismissal.The quick way to end a war is to lose it. 灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性If you live honestly, eat slowly a
47、nd lie about your age, you can keep your youth forever.Living honestly, eating slowly and lying about your age can keep your youth forever. If words are taken out of context, they are not very likely to mean the same as they do when they are in context.If you fail to pass the drug test, we will have
48、 to dismiss you from your job. Words taken out of context do not always mean what they do in context. We decided to take a taxi because we missed the bus by a second. Because my schedule was so busy, I was not able to attend Susans wedding.Missing the bus by a second, we decided to take a taxi.My bu
49、sy schedule didnt allow me to attend Susans wedding. 灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性用多样表述替换用多样表述替换because 从句从句用多样表述替换用多样表述替换there be从句从句 1. There are 17 men who volunteered.2. There is no denial that everyone will eventually die. There is no exception. 17 men volunteered.Death spares no one.3. There
50、were many mule deer throughout North America, but they are now almost extinct.Mule deer, once common throughout North America, are now almost extinct.灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性灵活使用句式，关注表述的多样性读后续写评分原则：读后续写评分原则： 评分时，先根据所续写短文的评分时，先根据所续写短文的内容内容和和语言语言初步确定其所属档次初步确定其所属档次 评分时，应主要从以下四个方面考虑：评分时，应主要从以下四个方面考虑： 1. 1.与所给短文及
