1、研究生英语写作研究生英语写作（II）Wordiness Thought for the Day“The most valuable of all talents is never using two words when one will do.”-Thomas Jefferson(1743-1826),American President and writer of the Declaration of IndependenceCut the Fat Good writing is simple,direct and lean Poor writing is confounded,round
2、about and fatTen Things to Think about when Buying a House But thats not all.Yet another one of the most important factors to consider when buying a new home:Obviously,the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself is price.If you cant afford a place to begin with,th
3、en what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford?This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home.Which words or phrases would you cut from this paragraph?(please note that this paragraph wouldappear somewhere in themiddle of a
4、n essay.)Watch your teacher cut 41 words of fat from this 75 word paragraph into a lean and mean 34 words!But thats not all.Yet another one of the most important factors to consider when buying a new home:Obviously,the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself is pr
5、ice.If you cant afford a place to begin with,then what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford?This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home.If its obvious,then itsobviousrepetitiverepetitiveWho else wouldit be for?unnecess
6、aryrepetitiverepetitiveRepetition ofthe titleTen Things to Think about when Buying a HouseBefore&After Comparison Here Id like to introduce to you the most important factors to consider when buying a new home:Obviously,the single most important thing to consider when buying a new home for yourself i
7、s price.If you cant afford a place to begin with,then what is the whole point in overpaying for something you cant even afford?This question is probably one of the biggest questions most people face when buying a new home.-75 words The most important thing is price,and if you cant afford a place to
8、begin with,then what is the point in overpaying?This question is probably one of the biggest most people face.-34 wordsNot enough developmentfor a paragraph.The writer needs to say more;give details/examplesWordy Words Some words that can often be tossed into the rubbish bin:I myself actually basica
9、lly really definitely quite very just obviously kind of sort of generally alwaysthe fact that in fact due to the fact that the reason why is because being that in which it can be seen that it is clear that last but not least I think/believe/feelIn my opinionThe uhh”s,“emm”s“ne ge”s of written langua
10、geThe basic reason Im overweight is because Im lazy.Im overweight because Im lazyI just dont understand why my brother is very mean to me.I dont understand why my brother is mean to me.I believe that a friend in need is a friend indeed.A friend in need is a friend indeed.Im more forgetful due to the
11、 fact that Im getting older.Im more forgetful as I get older.It can be seen that women are smarter than men.Women are smarter than men.Hohhot is the city in which I was born.I was born in Hohhot.My leg hurts due to the fact that I was run over by a car.My leg hurts because I was run over by a car.I
12、sort of feel that the food tasted kind of disgusting.The food tasted disgusting.He shouldnt have hit her,being that shes a woman.He shouldnt have hit a woman.Its really quite wonderful that weve become friends.Its wonderful that weve become friends.Rewrite the sentences by eliminating any unnecessar
13、y language.Make sure the sentences retain their original meaning.1.Actually,I myself have had a similar experience to his experience.2.Its a very entertaining film to watch.3.The reason you are so ill is obviously because you havent eaten any food in three days and nights.4.It is clear that educatio
14、n in France is a whole lot better than education in most other European countries.5.Due to the reason that children often copy the behavior of all the people around them,we adults need to watch out for our very own behavior that might cause them to imitate us.6.It is clear that you need to live your
15、 life the way you want to live your life.7.In this diagram we can easily see that DVD sales go up in the month of November.8.Children just dont quite understand the difference between right and wrong at such a young age.9.The Great Wall of China is certainly one of the greatest and biggest man-made
16、structures ever to have been built in all of history.10.Last but not least,I would like to say one more thing:I think television is bad for your eyes.1.Actually,I myself have had a similar experience to his experience.I have had a similar experience to his.2.Its a very entertaining film to watch.Its
17、 an entertaining film.3.The reason you are so ill is obviously because you havent eaten any food in three days and nights.Youre so ill because you havent eaten in three days.4.It is clear that education in France is a whole lot better than education in most other European countries.Education in Fran
18、ce is better than in most European countries.5.Due to the reason that children often copy the behavior of all the people around them,we adults need to watch out for our very own behavior that might cause them to imitate us.Because children often copy the behavior of the people around them,adults nee
19、d to watch their own behavior.6.It is clear that you need to live your life the way you want to live your life.Live your life the way you want to.7.In this diagram we can easily see that DVD sales go up in the month of November.In this diagram,DVD sales go up in November.8.Children just dont quite u
20、nderstand the difference between right and wrong at such a young age.Children dont understand right and wrong.9.The Great Wall of China is certainly one of the greatest and biggest man-made structures ever to have been built in all of history.The Great Wall of China is one of the greatest man made s
21、tructures in history.10.Last but not least,I would like to say one more thing:I think television is bad for your eyes.Last,television is bad for your eyes.Three PointsHere are three areas to watch out for in eliminating wordiness:1.Eliminate There is/are,and It is at the beginning of sentences whene
22、ver possible2.Eliminate prepositional of phrases3.Change whole phrases into single words whenever possibleIt is,There is,There areAvoid beginning sentences with these phrases whenever possible by moving the subject to the front of the sentence instead.It is terrible is see that happen.Seeing that ha
23、ppen is terrible.There are only six students in this class.Only six students are in this class.There are a lot of students who like studying English.A lot of students like studying English.There is an old saying that goes“better late than never.”An old saying goes,“better late than never.”It is too
24、early to go to bed.(cannot change this construction)Change Prepositional of Phrases Whenever Possible The opinion of my boss My boss opinion The home of her family Her familys home The idea of mine My idea A friend of my mother My mothers friend A city of Inner Mongolia.An Inner Mongolian City.Chang
25、e whole phrases into individual words whenever possibleShe is a woman whoSheThis is a conversation which is aboutThis conversation is aboutOwing to the fact that I lost my keysSince I lost my keysThe question as to whether he should go or notWhether he should go or notShe shouted at me in an angry w
26、ay.She shouted at me angrily.The two paragraphs below are too wordy.Revise them in your journal by eliminating and changing language you think is unnecessary.By the end of the year,it is believed that the number of dog owners in Beijing will rise quite dramatically.There are a lot of people who will
27、 agree that the number will go up a lot.There is no doubt that Chinese people really love dogs because they are so cute and lovely.How many times have you walked down the street and said to yourself,What a cool dog!I wish I had one of those lovely and cute dogs!You know that you really admire the ow
28、ner of the dog because that lovely dog probably brings him so much happiness.One really big problem,though is my husband.My husband is a man who hates dogs.Not only does he hate them,but he is allergic to them.He has such a terrible and horrible time around dogs because of his allergies.The doctor o
29、f my husband says that his allergic reaction to dogs is nothing serious,but the allergies can cause him a great amount of discomfort.It is such a bad thing for him to go through,so I know that in the end I will never be able to have my own dog for myself.By the end of the year,it is believed that th
30、e number of dog owners in Beijing will rise quite dramatically.There are a lot of people who will agree that the number will go up a lot.There is no doubt that Chinese people really love dogs because they are so cute and lovely.How many times have you walked down the street and said to yourself,What
31、 a cool dog!I wish I had one of those lovely and cute dogs!You know that you really admire the owner of the dog because that lovely dog probably brings him so much happiness.One really big problem,though is my husband.My husband is a man who hates dogs.Not only does he hate them,but he is allergic t
32、o them.He has such a terrible and horrible time around dogs because of his allergies.The doctor of my husband says that his allergic reaction to dogs is nothing serious,but the allergies can cause him a great amount of discomfort.It is such a bad thing for him to go through,so I know that in the end
33、 I will never be able to have my own dog for myself.By years end,the number of Beijings dog owners will rise dramatically.Chinese love dogs because they are cute and lovely.How many times have you walked down the street and said,What a cool dog!I wish I had one!You admire the dogs owner because it p
34、robably brings him so much happiness.My husband,who hates dogs and is allergic to them,is a big problem,though.He has a horrible time around them because of his allergies.His doctor says his reaction to dogs isnt serious,but it can cause discomfort.As a result,I know Ill never own a dog.Unit 2（B）Cri
35、teria of Translation 原文：他昨天来过这儿了。原文：他昨天来过这儿了。译文译文I：He came here yesterday.译文译文II：Yesterday he came here 原文：香港总督尤德爵士今晨于北京逝世。原文：香港总督尤德爵士今晨于北京逝世。译文I：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong,passed away in Beijing this morning译文II：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong,breathed his last in Beijing this mo
36、rning译文III：Sir Edward Youde，Governor of Hong Kong,kicked the bucket in Beijing this morning 原文：瞧你像只落汤鸡！原文：瞧你像只落汤鸡！译文译文I：You look like a bedragged chicken!译文译文II：You look like a drowned rat!译文译文III：Look!Youre wet through 原文：这是一篇八股文。原文：这是一篇八股文。译文译文I：This is a bagu essay.译文译文II：This is an eight-legged
37、essay.译文译文III：This is a stereotyped writing.原文：劳驾，去市场将怎么走原文：劳驾，去市场将怎么走?译文译文I：Excuse me,but could you show me the way to Market Street?译文译文II：I beg you pardon,sir.Will you be so kind as to tell me how to reach Market Street?译文译文III:Chap,tell me how to get to Market Street.原文：骄阳下，柳树上，原文：骄阳下，柳树上，回答他的是一
38、片回答他的是一片“知了，知知了，知了了”的蝉声的蝉声。(毛炳甫毛炳甫剥皮香蕉剥皮香蕉)译文译文I：Under the scorching sun,from the willow tree,came the confirming reply of the cicadas chirrup:“See,see.”译文译文II：came the cicadas chirruping,“zing-a-zing-a.”译文译文III：came the cicadas reply,“I See,I see.”译文译文IV：came the cicadas reply,“I know,I know.”Trans
39、lation Game 我满怀希望来参加会议，以为我们的我满怀希望来参加会议，以为我们的改革一定会得到支持，但讨论来讨论去改革一定会得到支持，但讨论来讨论去，还是外甥打灯笼照旧，未免大失所望，还是外甥打灯笼照旧，未免大失所望。原文分析原文分析我满怀希望来参加会议，|以为我们的改革 目的 一定会得到支持，|但讨论来讨论去，|还 转折 因果是外甥打灯笼照旧，|未免大失所望。因果时态选择时态选择 本句主要是叙事，议论针对具体事本句主要是叙事，议论针对具体事件而发，宜选用过去时态系统，以件而发，宜选用过去时态系统，以一般一般过去时过去时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态。他
40、时态。分步翻译：独立翻译分步翻译：独立翻译1)I came to the conference with great expectation;2)We believed that our reform would surely win full support;3)However,it was discussed and discussed;4)The result turned out to be a young man holding a lantern to show the way for his maternal unclebut remaining at the original
41、point;5)The result fell short of our expectation.分步翻译：合并分步翻译：合并 I came to the conference with great expectation.We were sure that our reform would win full support.However,the result fell short of the expectation,for the repeated discussions turned out to be the young man holding a lantern to show t
42、he way for his maternal uncle but remaining at the original point.(A half literal,half liberal translation.)分步翻译：化简分步翻译：化简 Sure of the full support for our reform,I came to the conference.However,my expectation turned out to be in vain,for the repeated discussion didnt produce any expected result.分步
43、翻译：调整分步翻译：调整 The expectation with which I came to the conference that our reform would win full support turned out to be in vain by the repeated fruitless discussions.Practice 这位教授引经据典，反这位教授引经据典，反复阐释，许多学生仍感到不复阐释，许多学生仍感到不得要领，如坠入五里云雾。得要领，如坠入五里云雾。如此看来，深入浅出，乃教如此看来，深入浅出，乃教学之秘诀也。学之秘诀也。原文分析原文分析这位教授引经据典，这位教
44、授引经据典，|反复阐释，反复阐释，|许多许多 并列并列 转折转折 学生仍感到不得要领，学生仍感到不得要领，|如坠入五里云雾。如坠入五里云雾。|因果因果 因果因果如此看来，深入浅出，如此看来，深入浅出，|乃教学之秘诀也。乃教学之秘诀也。判断判断时态选择时态选择 本句主要叙事，议论虽仍为针对具体事本句主要叙事，议论虽仍为针对具体事件而发，但是从具体经验抽象出来的，带件而发，但是从具体经验抽象出来的，带有普遍性。翻译时，有普遍性。翻译时，叙事部分叙事部分宜选用宜选用过去过去时态时态系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要时系统，以一般过去时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态；参照规范选用其他时态；议论部分议论
45、部分可选用可选用现在时态现在时态系统，以一般现在时为规范，必系统，以一般现在时为规范，必要时参照规范选用其他时态，但一般不宜要时参照规范选用其他时态，但一般不宜选用进行时。选用进行时。分步翻译：独立翻译分步翻译：独立翻译1)The professor quoted examples from classics and scriptures;2)The professor explained the point repeatedly;3)Yet many students failed to grasp the essentials;4)They felt as if they had fall
46、en into foggy clouds as thick as five miles;5)This shows;6)Going into depth in learning while expressing ourselves in intelligible terms in teaching is a secret key to success in classroom instruction.分步翻译：合并分步翻译：合并 The professor quoted examples from classics and scriptures,and explained the point r
47、epeatedly.However,the students failed to grasp the essentials,feeling that the professor had thrown them into foggy clouds as thick as five miles.This shows that profound understanding expressed in intelligible terms can contribute a great deal to classroom instruction.(in the process of combination
48、,some results of the independent translation have been reduced already)分步翻译：化简分步翻译：化简 Although the professor quoted from classics and scriptures and explained the point repeatedly,the students remained puzzled and failed to get any nearer to the point.This illustrates that profound ideas expressed in intelligible terms is of great significance in teaching.分步翻译：调整分步翻译：调整 The fact that the professors repeated quotations and patient explanations did not bring the puzzled students an inch nearer to the point necessitates expression of profound ideas in intelligible terms in teaching.
