1、三、 Help Yourself through the Hard Times1、 Some years ago I had what most would call the American Dream: a thriving construction business, a comfortable home, two new cars and a sailboat. Moreover, I was happpily married. I had it all.几年前, 我拥有大多数人称之为美国梦想的东西: 一份蒸蒸日上的建筑生意, 一个舒适的家, 两辆新车和一艘帆船, 另外, 我婚姻幸福。
2、我拥有这一切。2、 Then the stock market crashed, and suddenly no one was looking at the houses Id built.Months of murderous interest payment gobbled up my savings. I couldnt make ends meet and lay awake nights in a cold sweat. Just when I though things couldnt get worse, my wife announced that she wanted a
3、divorce.接着, 股市垮了, 突然间再没人看我修的那些房子。连续几个月支付要命的利息, 耗尽了我的积蓄。我入不敷出, 经常彻夜无眠, 一身冷汗。就在我认为事情不可能变得更糟的时候, 我太太宣布她想离婚。3、 With no idea what to do next, I resolved literally to ”sail off into the sunset,” following the coastline from Connecticut to Florida. But somewhere off New Jersey I turned due east, straight o
4、ut to sea. Hours later, I climbed up on the stern rail and watched the dark Atlantic slip beneath the hull. How easy it would be to let the water take me, I thought.无所适从的我决心真正驾船”向夕阳行驶”, 沿着海岸线从康涅狄格州驶向佛罗里达州。可是在离新泽西巷的地方, 我转向正东方, 直接驶往大海。几小时后, 我爬上船尾的栏杆, 注视着从船体下面滑过的黑沉沉的大西洋海水。我想让海水淹死是多么容易的一件事。 4、 Suddenly
5、the boat plummeted between two swells, knocking me off balance. I grabbed the rail, my feet dragging in icy brine, and just managed to haul myself back on board. Shaken, I thought, whats happening to me? Idont want to die.From that moment, I knew I had to see things through. My old life was gone. So
6、mehow Id have to build a new one.突然, 帆船笔直地落在两个巨浪之间, 使我失去了平衡。我手抓住 栏杆, 脚浸在冰冷的海水里, 勉强把自己拉回船上。震惊之余, 我想, 我这是怎么了? 我不想死。从那一刻起, 我知道我必须看穿万物。我从前的生活一去不复返了, 必须得想办法自己重建新的生活。5、 Everyone, at some point, will suffer a loss-the loss of loved ones. Good health, a job. ”Its your desert experience-a time of feeling bar
7、ren of options, even hope,” explains Patrick Ddl Zoppo, a psychologist and bereavement specialist with the Archdiocese of New York. ”The important thing is not to allow yourself to be stranded in the desert.”每个人, 在某个时刻, 都将遭受损失失去挚爱的人、 健康或是工作。”这是你经历中的荒漠-一段感到毫无出路, 甚至毫无希望的时期”, 帕垂克戴尔左珀解释说。她是一名心理学家, 纽约大主教
8、管区的丧亲之痛专家, ”重要的是不要让你自己陷入荒漠之中无法自拔”。6、 Let Yourself Grieve. Counelors agree that a period of grieving is critical. ”Theres no shame in this,” says Del Zoppo. ”Tears arent a sign that youre simply feeling sorry for yourself but are expression of sadness or emotion that must find an outlet.”让自己悲痛。顾问们一致认
9、为, 一段时间的悲痛是至关重要的。”不必为此感到羞愧”, 戴尔左珀说, ”眼泪并不意味着你仅仅自我垂怜, 而是表示必须发泄的忧伤或情感”。7、 And it doesnt matter if the grieving takes a while to surface, as long as it finally finds expression. Consider the case of Donna Kelb of Syracuse, N.Y. One spring day her 16-year-old son, Cliff, Jr. and 15-year-old son, Jimmy,
10、were sanding their boat, preparing it for the season. Suddenly Donna heard a scream. Rushing outside, she found her two sons lying on the ground near the boat.如果悲痛需要一段时间才能表现出来, 也没有什么关系, 只要它能最终找到表现的方式。看看纽约锡拉库扎港的唐娜克博的例子。在一个春光明媚的日子里, 她16岁的儿子小克立夫和她15岁的弟弟吉米正在给她们的船装沙, 为渔季做准备。突然, 唐娜听到一声尖叫。她冲到外面, 发现两个儿子倒在船旁
11、边的地面上。8、 Jimmy had gone into the water and returned dripping wet. When he picked up the sander, he was electrocuted. Cliff, knocked to the ground by the current when he tried to grab the tool, recovered.吉米下到水中, 上来的时候浑身湿透了。当她拿起磨沙器时, 触电致死。克立夫在试图拿过磨沙器时被电流击倒在地, 后来康复了。9、 Donna was so numbed by this trage
12、dy that she didnt cry for weeks-not even at the funeral, Then back at work one day, she began to feel dizzy. ”Finally I went home, locked myself in my room and just wailed.” she says, ”it was as though this great weight was being lifted from my shoulders.”这个悲剧的打击让唐娜变得麻木, 以致好几周都没哭出来甚至在葬礼上也没有哭。后来有一天下班
13、归来, 她开始感到晕眩。”最终我回到家, 将自己锁在房间里, 开始嚎啕大哭”, 她说, 仿佛这块巨石从肩膀上卸下来。10、 What Kelb, experienced after her tragic loss was what Del Zoppo calls a ”first-line defense that shields the consciousness from some extremely unpleasant reality.” Kelb couldnt begin her healing process until nature had allowed her time t
14、o sort out her tragedy.克博在悲剧之后的经历就是戴尔左珀所说的一种”使意识远离极端不愉快的现实的首要防范心理”。除非本能给予她解决好悲剧的时间, 否则克博不可能开始她的康复之路。11、 Understand Your Anger. ”Anger is natural.”says Del Zoppo, ”but it can be released in a wholesome way.” Properly understand, it can serve your recovery.理解你的怒火。愤怒是天性, 戴尔左珀说, 但能够经过健康的方式释放出来。你若得到恰当的理解
15、, 它将有助于你的恢复。12、 Candace Brackens future seemed full of promise. The 25-year-old airline hemorrhaging uncontrollably. Acute leukemia was diagnosed, and Bracken was of myself, lived a straignt and narrow life,” says Bracken was given two weeks to live. After the initial shock, she felt angry. ”I had t
16、aken care of myself, lived a straight and narrow life,” says Bracken of Miami. ”Things like this werent supposed to happen to people like me.”以前坎迪斯布赖青肯的未来似乎是一片光明。作为一名25岁的航班调度员, 她刚生了一个宝宝, 才换了份工作。然而有一天她开始不由自主地出血。诊断出是急性白血病, 只有两个星期可活。震惊之余, 她感到愤怒, 我一直爱惜自己的身体, 生活诚实, 正派, 迈阿密的布赖肯说”这种事情不应该发生在像我这样的人身上。13、 She
17、 reeled at the thought of her imminent death, and withdrew. ”I just gave up,” she says. Then a doctor told her she needed to arrange for someone to care for her daughter. ”How dare you tell me to find someone else to raise my child!” Bracken snapped. At that moment, she realized that she had strong
18、reasons to fight for he life. Her anger, formerly crippling now sparked her. It helped see her through a harrowing, but ultimately successful, bone-marrow transplant.一想到死亡即将来临, 她就感到心绪不宁, 屈服了。我完全放弃了, 她说。后来一个医生告诉她说她需要安排人照料她的女狼。”你竟敢让我找别人带大我的小孩! ”布赖肯历声说。在那一刻, 她意识到有充分的理由去为自己的生命而战。她的愤怒开始时极为有害, 现在却鼓舞了她, 帮助
19、她渡过了痛彻心肺但最终成功的骨髓移植。14、 Face the Challeng. Another obstacle on the road to health after a significant loss can be denial. Instead of facing what has happened to them, says Dr. Michael Aronoff, psychiatrist and a spokesperson for the American Psychiatirc Association, many people ”try to fill up that e
20、mpty feeling looking for an escape.” The man who rarely touched a drink will begin hitting the bottle. A woman who watched her weight will overeat. Others, like me , try literally to ”rn away.”勇敢地面对挑战。在经历重大打击之后, 拒绝知我同样也是健康之路的重大障碍。迈克尔阿若诺夫是个精神病医师, 美国精神病协会的一名发言人。她说, 很多人不是面对所发生的一切。而是”竭力填补空虚的感情假寻找一种解脱。”几
21、乎滴酒不沾的男人会开始酗酒, 担心肥胖的女性会吃得过多。其它一些人, 像我一样, 力图”一走子之”。15、 After working for bosses all his life, John Jankowski of Staten Island, N.Y., had always longed to have his own options and stock-trading firm. He finally got the start-up money and did well. Then came a downturn in business, and before long Jank
22、owski was in serious financial trouble.为老板工作一辈子后, 纽约史丹顿岛的约翰简可夫斯基一直梦想有自己的选择和证券交易公司。她最终找到了启动金并经营顺利。接着生意急转直下, 不久简可夫斯基就陷入严重的经济危机。16、 ”It was like Id run into a brick wall and my whole life had been shattered,” he says. With financial resources exhausted and the pressure of a family to support, Jankowski
23、s thoughts turned to escape.”就仿佛我迎头撞上一面砖墙, 整个人生都被击得粉碎, ”她说。经济来源耗尽, 又有一个家庭需要供养, 简可夫斯基开始想逃避。17、 One morning, while in a run,he just kept going. After jogging westward for two hours, he staggered back home. ”It finally dawned on me that I couldnt run away from my troubles. The only thing that made sens
24、e was to face up to my situation,” he says. ”Admitting failure was the toughest part but I had to before I could get on with my life.”一天早上, 在跑步的时候, 她一直往前跑。在向西慢跑了两个小时之后, 她步履蹒跚地回到家。”我终于明白不能逃离我的困境。唯一明智的事就是勇敢面对我的现状, ”她说, ”承认失败是困难的, 但要想继续生活我必须得这么做。”18、 Get Out and Do! After a few weeks, I urge people rec
25、overing from loss to get back into a routine,”says psychiatrist and Boston University professor Bessel A.van der Kolk. ”Its important to force yourself to concentrate on things other than your hurt.” Cinsider these activities:走出门, 做点事。”几周之后, 我要求那些从打击中复原的人回到日常生活中去, ”精神病医师, 波士顿大学教授贝瑟A凡库克说, ”强迫自己把注意力集中
26、到别的事情, 而不是所受的伤害上, 这一点至关重要。”考虑以下活动: 19、 Join a support group. Once youve made the decision to ”get on with life,” youll need someone to talk to and the most effective kind of conversation can be with someone else who has undergone an ordeal.加入一个援助团体。一旦你决心”继续生活”, 你会需要向人倾诉, 最有效的是和其它有过痛苦经历的人交谈。20、 Read.
27、 When you can focus after the initial shock, reading, especially selfhelp books, can offer inspiration as well as relaxation.阅读。经历过最初的震惊之后, 如果注意力能够集中, 那就开始读书, 特别是有关自助的书, 这将让你放松, 同时也让你感到鼓舞。21、 Keep a journal. Many find comfort in creating an ongoing record of their experiences. At best it can serve a
28、s a kind of self-therapy.记日记。很多人发现纪录每天的经历让人感到安慰。日记甚至能起到自我治疗的作用。22、 Plan events. The idea that there are things to look forward to reinforces that you are forging ahead into a fresh future. Schedule that trip youve been postponing.做事有计划。有期待的事情, 这一想法能增强你迈向全新未来的信息。将你过去推迟了的旅行重新写进时间表。23、 Learn new skills
29、. Take a course at a community college, or take up a new hobby or sport. You have a new life ahead; any new skill will complement it.学习新的技术。在社区大学选修一门课, 或是开始新的爱好或者运动。有全新的生活等着你, 而任何新的技术都将使它更充实。24、 Reward yourself. During highly stressful times, even the simplest daily daily chores-getting up, showerin
30、g, fixing something to eat- can seem daunting. Consider every accomplishment, no matter how small, a victory to be rewarded.奖励自己。在强压力之下, 即使是最简单的日常琐事, 如起床、 洗澡, 弄东西吃, 都能使人气馁。每完成一件事, 不论多么微小, 都把它看作是一个值得稿劳自己的成就。25、 Exercise. Physical activity can be especially therapeutic. Therese Gump of Chicago felt co
31、nfused and adrift after her21-years-old son committed suicide. A friend talked her into taking a jazzercize class. ”It was just mindless stretching and bouncing to music.” Gump says, ”but it made me feel better physically, and when you head and your troubles,” Aronoff explains, ”and it allows you to
32、 experience your body with your two feet on the ground.”锻炼。体育锻炼特别具有治疗作用。芝加哥的西瑞丝坎普在她21岁儿子自杀后感到茫然不知所措。一个朋友说服她参加了一个爵士锻炼培训班。”只是随着音乐不动脑筋地伸伸手脚和蹦蹦跳跳, ”坎普说, ”但它却使我感到身体更棒, 当你感觉身体更棒的时候你心理上也会感觉更好。”锻炼使你忘却自我和身边的麻烦, ”阿若诺夫解释说, ”并能让你感到踏实。”26、 Be Patient with Yourself. People often ask. ”When will this terrible pain
33、 stop?” Experts resist being pinned down to time frames. ”Roughly, its a minimum of six months before you even start to feel better,” says Aronoff. ”And it can be as long as a year, possibly two. A lot depends on disposition, the support within your environment, and if you get help and work on it.”对
34、自己有耐心。人们常说, ”什么时候这种可怕的痛苦才会结束? ”专家门反对时间期限的限制。”大致上, 你少则需要6个月才能开始感觉好点, ”阿若诺夫说。”也有可能长达一年, 或是两年。这很大程度上取决于你的性格、 周围亲友的支持、 以及是否得到帮助并借此战胜痛苦。27、 So,be easy on yourself. Recongnize that youll need time, and that your own pace of recovery may not fit with that of others. Congratulate yourself at each step throu
35、gh grief: Im still here, Ive made it this far!因此, 对自己宽容些。认识到你将需要一定的时间, 而且你自己的康复节奏可能和别人不一样。在走出悲痛中每前进一步都要祝贺自己: ”我还活着, 我已经撑到现在了。”28、 Sailing is a slow business. I made it to Florida in five weeks. In attempting to”run away,” Id embarked on a trip that gave me a structure, a daily outdoor routine requir
36、ing physical exertion, and plenty of time. I was still hurting, but by the time I anchored in Miami, I was ready to try again.At what, I wasnt sure.航行是个慢活, 我用了5周才抵达佛罗里达。原本试图”一走了之”的我踏上一段旅途。这段旅途让我重新组织生活, 培养了每天的生活规律, 要求付出在户外的体力以及大量的时间。我的心依然在痛, 可是等我到达迈阿密时, 我已作好再次尝试的准备。尝试什么, 我还没确定。29、 ”Why not get back to writing-to what you were trained for?” said my dad over the phone. He was right. And here I am now, writing to you. It feels good to be back.”何不回到写作? 回到你以前受过专门培训的写作嘛! ”爸爸在电话那头说。她是正确。现在我就在为你而写。能回到的感觉真好。
