1、PEPPEP 小学英语六年级上册各单元作文范例及点评小学英语六年级上册各单元作文范例及点评 Li Ying S Hobby Li Ying likes English very much. She works hard at it. She reads English every morning. She likes speaking English. She often listens to the radio. She watches TV only on Saturday evening. Does she like dancing? No, she doesnt. But she li
2、kes drawing and singing. Her parents love her. And all the teachers and her friends like her, too. She says her hobbies make her happy. 【要领点评】 这一篇写爱好的文章,小作者的写作思路很值得我们学习,他没有具体写到刘莹的某 一种爱好,而是从学习到课余的多种爱好入手,对刘莹的各种爱好进行了粗线条地勾画.从 “爱好”这个角度来看刘莹的话，我们会觉得这个形象很饱满。 小朋友们写这种“叙事写人”作文时，可以从两个角度下手：一是具体地描绘；二 是和上面小朋友一样，粗线
3、条地勾画，二者各有所长，另处在行文中使用一些问句，使用一 些转述的话，可以使作文更有灵气，避免了平铺直叙的缺点。比如上文的“Does she like dancing? No, she doesnt.”和“she says her hobbies make her happy.”就是十分不 错的句子，使读者眼前为之一亮。 Dont be against the traffic rules I go to school from Monday to Friday .I go to school by bike at 7:30 in the morning .I must cross two bu
4、sy roads .If the traffic light is red or yellow,I know I cant cross the road ,so I wait. If the light turns green, I know it means “Go”, and then I walk across the road .I always ride on the right side of the road .I am never against the traffic rules. 【要领点评】 这篇作文的题目是“不要违反交通规则”，小作者没有说一些空话，而是从自己的 经历写
5、起，叙述自己以什么方式去上学，在上学的路上是怎么做的，很形象。 小朋友们在作文时注意不要图大，那样很容易使文章显得空洞，而要写自己身边熟 悉的事情。要注意行文中字母的大小写、句子的标点符号等。 I Love My Family Here is a photo lf my family. These are four people in my family. They are my father, my mother, my brother and I. My father is a doctor. He works in a hospital far away. He goes to work
6、 by subway. My mother is a teacher. She works in a school near my home. She goes to work by bike. After work, they like reading books. Who is the tall boy? He is my brother. He is five years older than me. He is a singer. Hes now in Beijing. He goes there by plane. I love my family. 【要领点评】 一个平凡的题材，一
7、篇生动的作文。这样的命题，我们可能面对几次，甚至几十次 了。但这位小朋友的笔端很是灵巧，了了数言，让一个幸福的家庭跃然纸上，很值得我们去 思考，我们能做到吗？ 小朋友的这篇作文除了语言优美之外，在结构上也有闪光之处。先总说，将自己的 家人逐个介绍一遍，后分说，把家人的工作、上班方式，爱好一一细说。最后以一句话进行 概括，起到点题的作用。我们在写类似的作文的时候是不是也可以借鉴呢？ How to get to the science museum We are going to the science museum tomorrow. There is an old thing show in
8、the Museum. Do you know how we can get to the science museum? The science museum is next to the Peoples Park. Its isnt far from our school. So we can go there on foot .Walk straight to the west from our school, next turn left at the post office and walk for about 5 minutes, then turn right at traffi
9、c lights. You can find the Peoples Park on the right . Walk straight, and youll see the science museum. 【要领点评】 这篇作文的题目是“怎样去科学博物馆”。怎样才算是一篇好作文呢？通过你的叙 述，能让别人很容易找到博物馆，这应是最基本的要求。小作者在文中告诉我们什么呢？首 先他写了去博物馆的位置，最后浓墨重彩，指明从学校去博物馆的具体路线，这条路线够清 晰吧！ 小朋友们在写这类作文的时候，总有些无从下手的感觉，不知从何说起。其实介绍 路线，无非就是告诉他人某段路的起点和终点，还有就是如何从起
10、点走到终点。要给他人说 清楚，你自己首先得清楚，然后再通过自己的叙述，将路线清清楚楚得呈现出来。一定要注 意行文中一些关键的地方，如在哪儿转弯，向哪儿转，经过哪些重要的交通标志或显眼的标 志建筑等。这样，你就能说清，别人也能弄明白。 Planting Trees Its spring. Its time to plant trees. I want to plant a tree in our garden. Dad and Mum are very happy. They like green. Dad helps me plant the tree. First, we dig the s
11、oil. Then I put a little tree into the soil. Next I water it. I am so excited and I wait for the tree to grow. Two weeks later, my tree has some little leaves. I water it every day. Now it has lots of leaves. It grows fast. We should plant more trees. They make our world beautiful. 【要领点评】 小作者写了一次植树的
12、经历，但他并没有单纯拘泥于植树的过程。既有过程，也有 感觉，能使文章打动读者，给人以启发。作文的最后一段就非常好，两句话胜似千言万语。 我们可以学习一下这种写法。 既描述过程，又适时提自己的看法或想法的写法，在作文中叫做“夹叙夹议”,描述过程为 了提出一种思想服务， 提出看法或想法使原本平实的描述有了意义。 我们在以后的写作中也 可以试一试。 Lets have a nice day Its Sunday tomorrow .Im going to the bookstore with my friends tomorrow morning .We are going to look for
13、some good books .We all like reading books .We are going to eat our lunch at the restaurant. I like chicken, beef and vegetables .After lunch, we are going to the Summer Palace by bus. We are going to play near the Kunming Lake. Maybe we are going to row a boat on the lake .Wow, that will be relaxin
14、g. We are coming back at 5pm. 【要领点评】 怎样才称得上是“美好的一天”？有两点不能忘记，一是安排得充实，二是安排得 有意义。这两点小作者无疑都想到了，上午去书店看书买书，中午在饭店吃饭，下午去颐和 园玩耍、划船，丰富多彩！文章以时间为线索，叙述清楚，文笔也很优美。 小朋友们在写这种叙事的文章时，要尽量给读者交代好时间、地点、人物和活动等， 使文章有血有肉。要看好是写过去发生的事情，还是现在正在做的事情，或计划、打算要做 的事情，以选择适当的句型。如果是写将来的事情，那么就要注意在表述时多用 “be going to+动词原形”这种句型。 还有一点也很重要， 那就是故事的线索要交代好， 让读者在阅读时对整个过程一目了然。
