1、Chapter10 Positive Interpersonal RelationshipsBackground The capacity to love and to be loved is viewed by contemporary theorists as an inherently human tendency with powerful effects on well-being from infancy through old age.Biochemical basis of love Oxytocin-cuddle hormone Oxytocin is associated
2、with the neurotransmitter dopamine,which is broadly responsible for reinforcement,pleasure,and addiction.-”addicted to love”Our biology teaches us that relationships in and of themselves matters.Social psychologist,Zick Rubin The like scale and the loving scale:The liking items reflects ones positiv
3、e evaluation of another person The loving items reflect ones emotional attachment.Romantic love could be studied with the sorts of methods used by psychologists to investigate other topics.Harry Harlow Studies of baby monkeys Social bonds reflect more than the satisfaction of physiological needs.II
4、Equity Theory Equity theory suggests that close relationships-friendships or romances-persist to the degree that both people involved believe that what they are getting out of the relationship is proportional to what they are putting into it.Equity theory assumes that people calculate the costs and
5、benefits involved in interacting with others.It is an economic theory and draws our attention to the kinds of things that people give to and receive from another.Interpersonal resources lists Goods Information Love Money Services StatusSocial support:how others help us to cope with stressful events?
6、Appraisal support Emotional support Informational support Instrumental supportSocial support It is worth emphasizing that not any old support will do.Rather,social support is protective when it occurs in the context of a naturally occurring social network into which the individual is well integrated
7、.Real social support is provided in a mutually caring relationship.II Equity Theory Equity theory also predicts that when people in a relationship are mismatched on one dimension,like physical attractiveness,then there needs to be a compensating mismatch on another dimension,like occupational succes
8、s.II Equity Theory Proves:Studies in a variety of cultures show that men place more emphasis on youth and physical attractiveness,whereas women tend to be value industriousness and the accumulation of resources.II Equity Theory Limits:1.it is not possible to explain love in all of its form.Such as s
9、elfless love or acts of altruism.2.Interpersonal relationships exist on two level.Individuals in a friendship or romance must sacrifice some of their own rewards for the good of their partners,then the relationship can be interpreted as a genuine one.3.It fails most profoundly because it ignores the
10、 feelings that people bring to their relationships.II Attachment Theory Attachment theory emphasizes the feelings that bind us together.British psychiatrist John Bowlby Reports on the mental health of children who had been orphaned by World War II.Why should the absence of an emotional attachment ha
11、ve such profound effects on well-being?Ethology Konrad Lorenz,imprinting among goslings Harry Harlow,bonding in rhesus monkeys The young of many species,who are too immature at birth to care for themselves,have an evolved predisposition to become attached to an adult caregiver.II Attachment Theory T
12、he core of attachment theory is the proposition that attachment enhances survival by regulating an infants relationship and proximity to his caregiver.Bowlby proposed that this attachment system operates throughout the lifespan,from the cradle to the grave.Some consensus summary1.Within the first ho
13、ur following birth,infants are more likely to track with their eyes a moving stimulus that looks like a face than they are to track similar but nonface-like stimuli.Some consensus summary2.Within a few months of birth,the human infant starts to discriminate her primary caretakers from others.She res
14、ponds differently to familiar people,smiling and vocalizing in their presence,and being more easily comforted by them.Some consensus summary3.After about 6 or 7 months,a third period is entered,where the child shows a strong attachment to a single individual,usually the mother but not inevitably.Act
15、ively seeking contact with the person to whom she is attached.Strange situation test Psychologist Ainsworth Strange situation test Ainsworth(1973)described three different patterns of behavior in these circumstances.Avoidant children(20%):do not cry when their mother leaves and either ignore her or
16、turn away upon her return.Securely attached children(70%):seeking and maintaining contact with their mother.Ambivalent children(10%):cry when their mother leaves but are not comforted when she returns.Strange situation test Children whose mothers are supportive and affectionate in dealing with them
17、show the securely attached pattern.Mothers who are critical and rejecting produce avoidant or ambivalent infants.Strange situation test Whatever pattern is established has lasting effects on how the child relates to others.Securely attached children strike a balance between dependency and autonomy.S
18、trange situation test Attachment styles established in infancy show up in how adults conduct themselves in romantic relationships.Securely attached adults More supportive of their partners in joint problem-solving tasks More likely to practice safer sex Less upset in the wake of stress More likely t
19、o seek support from others when it is needed More likely to compromise in conflicts Less likely to be depressed More likely to have good self-esteem Less likely to abuse their spouse Less likely to divorceEmotionally focused couples therapy Based on attachment theory and teaches a more-flexible appr
20、oach to the expression and satisfaction of needs.Summary In equity theory,we see an emphasis on the calculation of perceived costs and benefits.It is a thoroughly cognitive approach to relationships.Attachment theory emphasizes feelings and emotions.We can integrate these perspectives to view relati
21、onships in terms of how we think about one another as well as how we feel.The relative emphasis might depend on the type of relationship,but thoughts and feelings matter in all of them.III Typologies of Love Affiliation Liking Friendship LoveAffiliation The people involved simply want to be associat
22、ed with some other person-his or her specific identity is not all that important.Leon Festinger:social comparison-affiliation helps us to evaluate ourselves.Stanley Schachter:misery loves company-we seek out others when we are anxious.When given a further choice,anxious people prefer to associate wi
23、th other anxious individuals,and misery loves miserable company.Maybe it is what miserable people might be able to teach us that attract us.Liking In liking,the people involved have a positive attitude toward each other.A fair amount factors that predispose these positive attitudes:Proximity Similar
24、ity Complementarity of needs High ability Attractiveness Reciprocity Friendship When liking is coupled with a mutual perception of similarity and expectations of reciprocity and parity,we call it friendship.Friendship Children as early as 3-4 years of age:75%of nursery school students have reciproca
25、ted friendships,at least as judged by time freely spent in each others company.“we play together.”Friendship Adolescence:80-90%report having mutual friends,usually distinguish between best friends and good friends.Shared activities,emotional support and self-disclosure.“we tell each other everything
26、.”Friendship Adults:friends are often found among ones fellow workers,and center on shared work activities to such a degree.Also among neighbors with children of the same age.90%have friends.Friendship In old age,friendships often involve support and companionship.“we do each other favors.”The numbe
27、r of close friends Toddlers:1-2 Schoolchildren:3-5 Newly weds:7-9 Middle age:5Friendship The amount of time one spends with friends changes across the lifespan.Teenagers:almost a third of their waking hours Adults:less than 10%of their time The same close friends are often kept throughout ones entir
28、e life.Friendship Having friends is a consistently robust correlate of life satisfaction and well-being.The benefits of friendship must be qualified by whether the friends in question are supportive or not.What is good friend?Someone whom has a reciprocated and sustained relationship marked by posit
29、ive emotions.Best friend support the premises of equity theory and attachment theory.Dependable,honest,loyal,committed,kind,loving,playful and fun,“bring out the best in me”Status,attractiveness,physical health,skills,ambitions,and accomplishments are not so important.Love When a relationship is cha
30、racterized by reciprocated exclusiveness,absorption,predispositions to help one another,and interdependence,we call it love.Love Passionate love:occurs at the beginning of an affair and is marked by extreme absorption and dramatic mood swings,from ecstasy to anguish.Companionate love:is the unshakab
31、le affection shared by two people whose lives have become intertwined.These two kinds of love may coexist rather than sequential.Love Irving Singer:Eros:love in terms of desire Phila:love as friendship Nomos:submission to gods will or obedience to the desires of a loved one Agape:selfless love that
32、approaches the divineLove and marriage 95%of the population marries at some point.The average age of the first marriage has increased.How does the transition into marriage take place?The most superficial step involves judging a prospective mate on such characteristics as appearance,social class,and
33、behavior.The next step involves looking deeper at her beliefs and attitudes.It is important that agree.Finally,prospective mates choose each other on the basis of how well their needs mesh.Marital satisfaction High early in the marriage,reaches a low point when a couple has adolescent children,and r
34、ise again once the children left home.Many other factors are linked with marital satisfaction:Emotional security Respect Communication Sexual intimacy Loyalty And the way in which these factors combine to influence satisfaction depends on how long a couple has been togetherMarital satisfaction Men r
35、eport greater satisfaction with marriage than do women.Women tend to value their marriage more if they have children or if they work outside the home.Married adults are physically and emotionally healthier than their single counterparts.Divorce By the 1970s and thereafter,the divorce rate had grown
36、to more than 40%.The average divorce,if there is such a thing,occurs after 6 or 7 years of marriage.Marital dissatisfaction is not a strong predictor of divorce.Alternative mates,career decision,and financial crises combine to create a divorce.Divorce Aftermath of a divorce,depression or alcohol abu
37、se may occur.Increased risk of physical illness.These problems are increased when the couple has children.Most people make a satisfactory adjustment within 2 years following a divorce.What makes a good marriage?John Gottman:disagreement and anger are not necessarily harmful.All couple have disagreem
38、ent.Its important that the couple has learned a productive way of responding to disputes.What makes a good marriage?Couple avoid disputes,despite a short-term gain in satisfaction,pay a long-time price in terms of the success of their marriage.What makes a good marriage?Whining,defensiveness,and stu
39、bbornness during disagreements foreshadow divorce,whereas humor,affection,and more generally positive interpretations mark successful marriages.Gottman suggest that the ratio of the explicitly positive to the explicitly negative during actual interactions must exceed 5:1.Four ways we respond to our
40、partners Active-constructive responding An enthusiastic response Active-destructive responding A response that points out the potential downside Passive-constructive responding A muted response Passive-destructive responding A response that conveys disinterestWhat makes a good marriage?The ratio of the positive to the negative matters,and Gable et al.suggested that it needs to exceed 3:1.Exercise Active-constructive responding
