1、BetterBetter Your Your WritingWritingJimJims parents work very hard and his family has become s parents work very hard and his family has become very rich.Therefore,a lot of pocket money is given to very rich.Therefore,a lot of pocket money is given to him by his parents every day.But to my surprise
2、,not him by his parents every day.But to my surprise,not like others,Jim tries his best to save money as like others,Jim tries his best to save money as possible as he can instead of wasting money.The reason possible as he can instead of wasting money.The reason is that he knows how hard they work t
3、o earn the money.is that he knows how hard they work to earn the money.Jim loves reading,and he buys books from the Internet.Jim loves reading,and he buys books from the Internet.Sometimes he borrows books from the library in order to Sometimes he borrows books from the library in order to save mone
4、y.Apart from that,he always brings water to save money.Apart from that,he always brings water to school instead of buying juice.In addition,he never school instead of buying juice.In addition,he never buys snacks with his pocket money.buys snacks with his pocket money.Some classmates think that it i
5、s very strange for him Some classmates think that it is very strange for him to do so.But in my eyes,his behaviour makes a lot of to do so.But in my eyes,his behaviour makes a lot of sense to me.After all it is a traditional virtue to sense to me.After all it is a traditional virtue to save money.sa
6、ve money.From the point of my view,we are supposed to learn From the point of my view,we are supposed to learn from him.Only in this way can we live a meaningful life.from him.Only in this way can we live a meaningful life.文章的评价文章的评价要点要点语言语言行文行文齐齐全全准确准确连贯连贯语语法法选选词词连接词连接词过渡过渡性句性句子子丰丰富富英文写作评分标准（部分）英文写
7、作评分标准（部分）第五档第五档:（13-15分）分）能写明能写明全部或绝大部分内容要全部或绝大部分内容要点点；语言；语言基基 本无误本无误；行文连贯行文连贯，表达清楚。，表达清楚。语法、词汇、标点、大小写、时态准确语法、词汇、标点、大小写、时态准确 分段、连接词、复合句、高级词汇使用恰当分段、连接词、复合句、高级词汇使用恰当第四档：（第四档：（10-12分）能写明分）能写明全部或大部分内容要点全部或大部分内容要点；语言语言有少量错误有少量错误；行文基本连贯行文基本连贯，表达清楚。，表达清楚。第三档第三档:（7-9分分）能写明）能写明大部分内容要点大部分内容要点；语言；语言有较多错误有较多错误;
8、尚能达意。尚能达意。体裁体裁时态时态人称人称断句断句动词动词语块语块结构结构源句内化源句内化造句造句并列并列顺序顺序观点观点因果因果思 维 导 图(mind map)Jim 是你的一位同学。请结合下面的提示写一篇短文，把他介绍给大家，并说出你对他这些做法的看法。（1）Jim的父母有钱，给他很多零花钱。（2）Jim理解父母的不容易，不多花钱，想办法省钱；他喜欢读书，在网上买书，有时去图书馆借书；别人买饮料喝他却带水上学；从不花钱买零食。（3）有人认为他的做法很怪异，但。参考词汇：零食 snacks 要求：（1）词数：80 100个。（2）开头已给出，不计入总词数。（3）要点齐全，行文连贯，可适当
9、发挥。Jims parents work very hard and his family has become very rich._体裁_ 时态_ 人称_StageStage 1 1:审审Jim 是你的一位同学。请结合下面的提示写一篇短文，把他介绍给大家，并说出你对他这些做法的看法。（1）Jim的父母有钱，给他很多零花钱。（2）Jim理解父母的不容易，不多花钱，想办法省钱；他喜欢读书，在网上买书，有时去图书馆借书；别人买饮料喝他却带水上学；从不花钱买零食。（3）有人认为他的做法很怪异，但。参考词汇：零食 snacks 要求：（1）词数：80 100个。（2）开头已给出，不计入总词数。（3）
10、要点齐全，行文连贯，可适当发挥。Jims parents work very hard and his family has become very rich._1.“他（Jim Jim）的父母都有钱）的父母都有钱”2.“他们给他很多零花钱。给他很多零花钱。”3.“他（Jim）理解父母的不容易理解父母的不容易”4.“他不多花钱，想办法省钱他不多花钱，想办法省钱。”5.“他喜欢阅读，在网上买书喜欢阅读，在网上买书”6.“他有时去图书馆借书有时去图书馆借书”7.“别人买饮料他却带水上学别人买饮料他却带水上学”8.“他从不花钱买零食从不花钱买零食”9.“有人认为他的做法很怪异，但有人认为他的做法很怪
11、异，但我我.”断句StageStage 2 2.1:.1:抓抓时态时态动词StageStage 2 2.2:.2:抓抓零花钱零花钱pocket money从从-借借borrow.from语块StageStage 2 2.3:.3:抓抓_更喜欢做某事更喜欢做某事_prefer to do句子结构StageStage 2 2.4:.4:抓抓Its to do sth.Make up the needed Make up the needed sentences sentences StageStage 3 3:扩扩1.他认为水是最便宜的也是最好的饮（drinks）。2.他是一个好学生也是一个好儿子
12、。1.表示并列或递进表示并列或递进:and,as well as,bothand,not onlybut also,neithernor;2.表示选择表示选择:or,eitheror;3.表示转折表示转折:but,however,although,though,after all,4.表示因果表示因果:because,so,therefore5.表示条件表示条件:if,unless6.表示对比表示对比:instead,on the one handon the other hand;7.表示解释表示解释:for example,such as,8.表示顺序表示顺序:firstly,first(
13、of all),second(ly),next,later,from then on,finally,in the end;9.表示强调表示强调:also,besides,whats more,actually,in fact,10.表示结论表示结论:altogether,in a word,generally speaking,in generalStageStage 4 4:连连StageStage 5 5:改改1全全：信息点全2简简：句子简洁明了3准准：词汇、语法、句型结构、时态、标点4畅畅：句子连贯、前后逻辑性强5精精：首或尾处需开门见山、画龙点睛。StageStage 6 6:誊抄誊
14、抄practising Here are two compositions written by someone among you on the paper,now lets correct it and make it better according to the above rules.Now discuss in groups,and then I will ask one group to give your suggestions.范文范文 Jims parents work very hard and his family has become very rich.His pa
15、rents always give him lots of pocket money.However,Jim tries to save money in many ways instead of wasting it.He thinks its not easy for his parents to make money.Jim likes reading.He often buys books on the Internet because they are cheaper.Sometimes he borrows books from the library.At school,many
16、 students like to buy drinks,but Jim likes to drink the water that is brought from home instead.He thinks water is the cheapest but best drink.In addition,he never spends his money on snacks.Some students think Jim is strange,but I think he is a good student as well as a good son.假如你所在中学的校刊近期开辟英文专栏，
17、征集发生在大家身边的感人故事。请根据以下提示，为该专栏投稿。（1）在一个寒冷的早晨，你买早餐时看到前面的女孩买了面包和牛奶。（2）女孩要离开时，发现树下有一个老年乞丐，他看上去又冷又饿。（3）女孩走到乞丐身旁，把食物递给了他。（4）乞丐向女孩道谢，女孩微笑着离开。（5）你很感动 参考词汇：乞丐 beggar 感动 be moved 要求：（1）词数：80 100个。（2）开头已给出，不计入总词数。（3）要点齐全，行文连贯，可适当发挥。On a cold morning,while I was范文范文On a cold morning,while I was buying breakfast,I
18、 saw a girl in front of me buying some bread and milk.When the girl was about to leave,she found there was a poor beggar under a tree.He looked so cold and hungry that the girl wanted to help him.So the girl went close to the beggar and offered her food to him.The beggar thanked her happily and the
19、girl went away with a beautiful smile on her face.At that moment,I was moved.I felt the touch of something bright and friendly.We should learn from her and help the people in need.Homework:1.Correct the composition on the handout.2.Finish the composition according to the mind map.Thank you!并列并列思 维 导 图(mind map)
