1、读后续写读后续写浙江省黄岩中学经典续写案例红楼梦红楼梦曹雪芹高 鹗争论点：契合度高低争论点：契合度高低文学家：文学家：情节发展情节发展是否和原八十回一致是否和原八十回一致语言学家：语言学家：用词用句用词用句是否和原八十回一致是否和原八十回一致融洽度融洽度原叙事文本原叙事文本 续写高效度结尾续写高效度结尾读读猜猜两个要弄明白的问题：l 原文原文有什么用？有什么用？l 续写续写要写什么？要写什么？原文原文理解理解续写文续写文模仿模仿素素材材素素材材情节情节基调基调核心核心矛盾矛盾故事故事框架框架语言语言设定设定潜伏潜伏信息信息样题情节和语言特点分析(1)(1)情节基调情节基调的铺设：的铺设：“向心
2、性向心性”(2)(2)核心矛盾核心矛盾的预设：的预设：“发散性发散性”(3)(3)故事框架故事框架的搭建：的搭建：“顺延性顺延性”(4)(4)隐含语言隐含语言的定位：的定位：“一致性一致性”情节基调“A funny thing happened to Arthur when he was on the way to work one day”。funny:“趣趣”A funny thingcause amusement,laughter,etc.(有趣的，可笑的有趣的，可笑的)向心性向心性MoneyorOther things核心矛盾“情节核情节核”the young man oranothe
3、r manThiefNot thief矛盾身份矛盾身份 矛盾中心矛盾中心 关键人物关键人物发散性发散性 箱子里箱子里 所属人所属人Young man身份身份可能情节发展可能情节发展1Money the young manthief碰巧抓住抢劫犯（即结尾1）2not thief碰巧把刚从银行取钱赶路的人当劫犯，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯消息3another manthief碰巧碰到一个刚偷了其他人钱的小偷，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯并找回银行失钱的消息，最后在Arthur帮助下抓到另一个小偷4not thief路遇一个路人帮人搬运装满钱的行李箱，而Arthur错把路人当劫犯，最后澄清消除误会5Other
4、 thingsthe young manthief错把普通小偷当劫犯，最后帮助抓到该小偷6not thief错把路人当劫犯（即结尾2）7another manthief碰巧碰到一个刚偷了其他人东西的小偷，最后到警局传来抓到劫犯并找回银行失钱的消息，最后在Arthur帮助下抓到另一个小偷8not thief路遇一个路人帮人搬运普通行李箱，而Arthur错把路人当劫犯，最后澄清消除误会故事发展时间：时间：on Arthurs way home地点：地点：along the Park Avenue near the First national Bank背景：背景：a long loud noise
5、 of an alarm from the bank a young man ArthurRun afterStop,stop!?To the PS顺延性顺延性故事框架Paragraph 1:As he was running,Arthur heard the young man shouting behind,“Stop,stop!”_Paragraph 2:The taxi stopped in front of the Police Station and Arthur._顺延故事发展顺延故事发展创意故事结尾创意故事结尾顺延顺延 逆转逆转语言定位记叙类故事文记叙类故事文文文体体叙事叙事文
6、本文本叙事叙事人称人称叙事叙事时态时态叙事叙事方式方式第一、二、三人称第一、二、三人称旁白旁白/对白对白口语口语/书面语书面语选词用词选词用词句式选择句式选择一致性一致性语言定位记叙类故事文记叙类故事文叙事人称：叙事人称：比如，比如，he,she,it,A funny thing,the young man,Park Avenue,Arthur等等叙事时态：叙事时态：用过去式或者与过去式相关的时态（直接引语除外）用过去式或者与过去式相关的时态（直接引语除外）比如比如 was on the way,walked,was surprised,started to run等等叙事方式叙事方式：No
7、trouble at all,what happenedGo to the police station,Stop stop,Help help。“第三人第三人”的身份讲述的身份讲述（第三人称作为主语第三人称作为主语）（直接引语除外）（直接引语除外）转述过去某个时刻所发生的事转述过去某个时刻所发生的事旁白旁白+对白（间接引语对白（间接引语+直接引语）直接引语）主次分明主次分明 语言定位记叙类故事文记叙类故事文叙事文本定位叙事文本定位：一组数据：一组数据：结尾1（153）adv or prep(behind,suddenly,until,obviously,already,later),verb
8、(might,realize,continue,jump,race like the wind,learn,open,expected,describe,caught),noun or noun phrase(a large sum of money,information)结尾2（158）behind,directly outside behave,realize,drive,follow,describe,voice,innocent,embarrassed,faster语言平实易懂的小故事语言平实易懂的小故事小词、常用词以及常见短语小词、常用词以及常见短语12个个新新词词(组组)18个个
9、新新词词(组组)funnyamusing，intriguing，divertingVS.语言定位记叙类故事文记叙类故事文句式选用句式选用：行为动作行为动作：“主语主语+谓语动词谓语动词+宾语宾语”材料 Everyone had a different answer 结尾 The police caught the robber事物状态事物状态：“主语主语+系动词系动词+表语表语”材料 Arthur was surprised,Park Avenue had been quiet a moment before 结尾 The man shouting behind is the bank thi
10、ef,The man was innocent“清楚明晰地讲故事清楚明晰地讲故事”强调故事人物的行为和思想变化强调故事人物的行为和思想变化语言定位记叙类故事文记叙类故事文句式选用：句式选用：一组数据：材料材料：12个含and的并列句式，结尾结尾1(1531(153字字):):6个并列句式；结尾结尾2(1582(158字字):):7个并列句式主从复合主从复合句句(以时间状语从句为主以时间状语从句为主)材料材料：when he was on the way to,As he walked along,After placing it on the,Just as Arthur picked up结
11、尾结尾：As he was running,The moment he go to,Just as Arthur was describing 时间提示词如at the moment,then,later等。主从复合句少，并列复合句多主从复合句少，并列复合句多故事一环承接一环的时间发展和动作的延续读后续写策略情节基调情节基调核心矛盾核心矛盾框架完整框架完整顺延逆转顺延逆转语言文体语言文体遣词用句遣词用句情节走向情节走向合情合理合情合理的创意的创意不着痕迹不着痕迹情节内容情节内容框架结构框架结构语篇段落语篇段落1 1、挖掘情节基调，廓清核心矛盾，创造合情合理的创意故事外延。、挖掘情节基调，廓清核
12、心矛盾，创造合情合理的创意故事外延。2 2、理清叙事角度，把握顺延逆转，构建张弛有度的完整情节框架。、理清叙事角度，把握顺延逆转，构建张弛有度的完整情节框架。3 3、定位语言文体，模仿遣词用句，续写不着痕迹的语用叙事文本。、定位语言文体，模仿遣词用句，续写不着痕迹的语用叙事文本。读后续写策略“读后续写”与阅读课的契合单元单元课文课文内容内容M1U3Travel Journal Journey down the MekongM2U4Wildlife Protection How Daisy Learned to Help WildlifeM3U2Healthy Eating Come and E
13、at HereM3U5Canada“The True North”A Trip on the“True North”M4U4Body Language Communication,No Problem?M5U3Life in the Future First ImpressionsM5U4Making the News My First Work Assignment “Unforgettable”,Says New JournalistM7U2Robot Satisfaction Guaranteed虚拟故事“读后续写”与阅读课的契合1.M3U2 Come and eat here2.M7U
14、2 Satisfaction Guaranteed思维思维+语言语言虚构虚构+趣味趣味“读后续写”与阅读课的契合Come and eat hereWP+his empty restaurantVisit to YHs+got the problemDo researchNew sign and discountCompetition was onWhat if with no research or no findings?What if WP just copy YHs idea?一个可能需要增加的阅读环节一个可能需要增加的阅读环节 信息梳理Friendly cooperationHosti
15、le competitionPeaceful coexistence+思辨发散思辨发散alarmed,disturbing,trust“读后续写”与阅读课的契合Satisfaction Guaranteed信息整理信息整理+思辨发散思辨发散ClaireTonyGladysaccompanied,protected,helpenvyA sense of failureWhen compared withCurtains opened+A partyChange her opinionA sweet victoryA sense of lossWhat if?Curtains closedStil
16、l victory?Loss?Tonys Report?两篇文本（节选）Wang Peng sat in his empty restaurant feeling very frustrated.It had been a very strange morning.Usually he got up early and prepared his menu of barbecued mutton kebabs,roast pork,stir-flied vegetables and fried rice.Then by lunchtime they would all be sold.By no
17、w his restaurant ought to be full of people.But not today!Why was that?What could have happened?Claire didnt want the robot in her house,especially as her husband would be absent for three weeks,but Larry persuade her or allow her to be harmed.It would be a bonus.However,when she first saw the robot
18、,she felt alarmed.His name was Tony and he seemed more like a human than a machine.He was tall and handsome with smooth hair and a deep voice although his facial expression never changed.两个语篇的文本比较：Satisfaction GuaranteedCome and eat herep 旁白旁白+对白（旁白为主）对白（旁白为主）p 书面语书面语+口语口语p 简单句式，小词常规词简单句式，小词常规词p 行为变
19、化行为变化p 全旁白的形式全旁白的形式p 全书面语形式全书面语形式p 复合句式，较高级词汇复合句式，较高级词汇p 情绪（心理）表达情绪（心理）表达叙事人称：第三人称；叙事人称：第三人称；叙事时态：叙事时态：过去式过去式叙事顺序：以时间发展叙事顺序：以时间发展结尾方式：出人意料结尾方式：出人意料Satisfaction GuaranteedCome and eat hereA week later,Wang Pengs restaurant was again quite full and he felt happier.He smiled as he welcome the customers
20、 warmly at the door but the smile left his face when he saw Yong Hui walking in.She didnt look happy but glare at him.“May I ask what you were doing in my restaurant the other day?I thought you were just a new customer and now I know that you only came to spy on me and my menu.”she shouted.The night
21、 of the party arrive.The clock struck eight.The guests would be arriving soon and Claire told Tony to go into another room.At that moment,Tony folded his arms around her,bending his face close to her and inspiring her with confidence.Then the front door bell rang.Tony freed her and disappeared from
22、sight.Until then did Claire get self-prepared and dare to face the surrounding of the guests.The women,along with a new but seemingly quite elegant face,were impressed by Claire,the house and the delicious cuisine.一个困惑的问题？高考评分标准重融洽度的同时，高考评分标准重融洽度的同时，会多么关注语言的文采？会多么关注语言的文采？Thanks！Enjoy our job,Enjoy o
23、ur life!读后续写读后续写一、读(how to read)1.浅层信息理解 when：_；where:_；who：_;what:_；ChristmasLiving roomMom&“I”About presents2.深层信息理解（1）故事主要发展情节(2)文章风格人称：_;时态：_;何种细节描写为主：心理；动作；语言；表情；环境；外貌(3)写作主题:_;Behaviors（行为）Feelings（情感）Para 1Para 2Para 3Para 4&5check;read;feel;guess;examine;tellexcitedlook over;scatter;sigh;war
24、n;pile up;spill out disappointedwait;rush into;fly;attempt to;open;losteagerlyhand;look at;spent;examine；recognize;writeconfused第一和第三人称过去式About Moms love;Giving is better than receiving二、由读到写(how to design)1.Classify 10 key words into different groups（所给提示关键词分类）Characters（人物）：_;Behaviors（行为）：_;Feeli
25、ngs（情感）：_;Others：_;girl;Mom giving;open;hand eagerly;disappointed present;Christmas;family2.Predict the development of the story（故事情节预测）Last paragraphs:But it had not been mine.It was my moms.A new label had been put on it,with my name written in my mothers handwriting.“Mom,I cant”Paragraph 1:I was
26、stopped by mothers eager,joyful look._.Paragraph 2:I have always remembered that Christmas fondly._.续写故事情节展开编辑模板第一回合第二回合第三回合人物 A人物B穿插人物A人物B穿插人物A/B心理 动作 语言 表情 心理 动作 语言 表情 无需 环境 外貌 主题 心理 动作 语言 表情 心理 动作 语言 表情 无需 环境 外貌 主题 心理 动作 语言 表情 三、写(the presentation)1.字迹工整：_;2.篇幅充实：_;3.语言丰富：_;4.内容得体：_;所有字母笔画分开，f/g/
27、t/i/y做到无勾或短勾；大小、间距适当空白横线剩余一行；或者每一段落续写至少7句话无基本语法错误；有链接词；有形容词和副词；有从句和非谓字迹潦草！字迹潦草！10分！分！符合原文逻辑；情节向前发展；体现作者写作目的四、作业布置和课外阅读2.翻译下面句子。A mother is a person who,seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people,promptly announces she never did care for pie.Tenneva Jordan 看到餐桌上有五个人，却只有四块馅饼，立即宣布自己从不喜欢馅饼
28、这样的人就是母亲。特尼瓦乔丹1.参照本节课导学案步骤，尤其按照第三部分（how to write）的要求，完成所布置的读后续写。续写导练（五）阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。I was touched through experiences,memories,books,stories,animals,angels,and most of all other people.People have moved me and molded（对影响重大）me with moments of love and examples of kindness.One time on
29、 the day before Christmas many years ago when I was a minimum wage mill（工厂）worker,I found myself with very little money and very little time to buy my small children a few simple toys.I knew that they would have to be cheap ones and I hoped my children would like them.I hated not having enough to gi
30、ve them more.I hated being poor.And I hated feeling bad at Christmas rather than happy.I pulled into a store parking lot and counted my money again.It wasnt much but maybe I could get something small with it.As I was getting out of the car I noticed the Salvation Army（救世军）bell ringer at the entrance
31、.I felt bad again because I didnt feel I could spare anything to give him.I started walking towards the entrance when two cars pulled into empty parking spots in front of me.The first was a shiny,new Cadillac and I felt a twinge of jealousy when I saw it.“How nice,”I thought,“Would it be to have eno
32、ugh money to buy a car like that.”The second car,though,was an ancient sedan（轿车）more beat-up and rusty than the one I was driving.A man hopped（冲）out of the Cadillac and hurried into the store right past the bell ringer without a second glance.Out of the old sedan came a young mother with three small
33、 children in tow（紧随着）.Her clothes looked as worn out as her car,yet she stopped in front of the bell ringer,smiled,opened her purse,and dropped a bill in his red kettle（钱罐）.读后续写的基本步骤一、短文信息定位通过阅读定位所给短文的核心信息，明确故事的任务，环境和情节，并概括文章大意。二、划线词分类为了方便设计情节时涵盖划线词汇，可以结合具体材料对划线词按照人物，地点、动作情节和事物（具体和抽象）等分类。三、设计第一段的内容设
34、计在于搭建本段与前文、后文的桥梁。第二部分注意整篇文章的首位呼应。四、初稿五、修改一、短文信息定位通过阅读定位所给短文的核心信息，明确故事的任务，环境和情节，并概括文章大意。character:time:place:plots(details)the day before Christmas,many years ago a store parking lotthe author,bell ringer,a man owning a Cadilac ,a young mother owning an old car.1.The author was poor and feeling bad.2
35、.the man and the mother responded quite differently to the bell ringer.3.Sum up the main idea of the passage 1.Many years ago,The author was a work with a small wage.He felt bad because.2.When he pulled into a store parking lot,he felt bad again because.3.When he walken into the entrance,he found a
36、man owning a.,while a young mother.However,they.二、划线词分类kindsunderlined wordscharactersbell ringer childrenthings christmas car purse kettleactions hated pulled into dropped 为了方便设计情节时涵盖划线词汇，可以结合具体材料对划线词按照人物，地点、动作情节和事物（具体和抽象）等分类。三、设计第一段的内容设计在于搭建本段与前文、后文的桥梁;第二部分注意与整篇文章的首位呼应。part 1:part 2:The authors at
37、titude to the man and the motherHis opinions on richness no longer feeling bad and following the mothers example and dropped a bill to the bell ringer.Buying things for his chidren and expecting a merry christmas.四、初稿part 1:it is better to be rich in the inside;It is wrong to judge a person by his a
38、ppearance or words;I had respect for the poor mother and wanted learn from her.part 2:I took out a 10-pound bill and.I could hardly wait to see my children.五、修改五、修改Paragraph 1:I stood there for a minute in astonishment.“Maybe,”I thought to myself,“its better to be rich on the inside instead of the o
39、utside.”That rich man should have done something to help the poor,but he didnt.Sometimes it was really wrong to judge a person by his or her appearance.I really had respect for the poor mother from the bottom of my heart.She set a good example for her children to follow.Paragraph 2:In that second a
40、warmth touched me,my jealousy and hatred（憎恨）（憎恨）left me,and all the love and joy that are Christmas filled me.I fished a bill out of my own purse,dropped it in the Salvation Army kettle,and wished the bell ringer a merry Christmas.I found a few fun things to give my kids and drove home with my heart singing.I knew it was going to be a wonderful Christmas.I could hardly wait to see my children enjoying the presents bought for them,including a special giftlove for those in need.
