1、作文评讲作文评讲 第一节：应用文写作（满分第一节：应用文写作（满分15分）分）假定你是李华，你的英国朋友Henry写邮件请你推荐一个可以游览中国风景名胜的虚拟旅游网站.。请你给他回一封邮件，内容包括：1.介绍所推荐网站（包括网址、网站特点、如何使用等）；2.推荐旅游景点。Dear Henry, How is everything going? Knowing that you are extremely enthusiastic about traveling around China through a virtual travel website, I highly recommend .
2、 The website offers 3D virtual tours of many amazing sights in China. You can register on the website or download the app. In addition, if you want to take photos in a place you are interested in, just click the mouse. Many popular sights, such as West Lake, Mount Tai and the Palace Museum, wont fai
3、l to feast your eyes. I wish you would have a wonderful time. In 1989, fresh out of high school, I had the difficult task of choosing a career path before college started in three months. In those days in Pakistan, there were limited options: becoming a doctor or an engineer, or entering the financi
4、al world after getting a business degree. I wasnt interested in engineering, so that I was left with medicine or business. I couldnt decide. My uncle, an influential person in the family, suggested that I do a work placement to experience it for a month in an international company followed by a mont
5、h in a hospital. After that, I could make a decision. It seemed like a brilliant idea. I was accepted for a months placement at a foreign bank in Karachi. I got a feel for how the world of finance functioned, made new friends, and generally enjoyed the mostly easy-going work surroundings. The month
6、passed rapidly, and soon I began working at a leading hospital in Karachi. The experience couldnt have been more different. The hospital had an intense environment. The days started early (at 7 am, compared to 9 am at the bank), and were filled with endless duties. And the night calls! This was craz
7、y, working all day, through the night, and again the next day. I began thinking about my two experiences. The bank had offered a more relaxing atmosphere, better working hours and less stress. The hospital was full of excitement and unpredictability, but the studying and training was difficult. It s
8、eemed that the business option was going to win out. Near the end of my month at the hospital, I was driving home after an especially busy night call. In front of me was a public bus, with college students sitting on the top. As the driver weaved through traffic, I could see the boys shaking from si
9、de to side.【故事梗概】这是一篇记叙文。文章讲述了作者在毕业后的职业选择，作者在叔叔的帮助下分别体验了银行和医院的工作。作者在这一个月的工作中感觉银行的工作非常轻松，而在医院的工作则非常繁重且不可预知。作者也因此在这两个工作中摇摆不定。Paragraph 1 Suddenly, a boy fell off the back of the bus._Paragraph 2The next day, when I went to hospital to see the boy, all his family got up, with grateful smiles on their f
10、aces._【审题构思】【审题构思】关注情节和情感两条主线：plot-即我做了什么，为什么；feelings即我感觉如何；plot属于明线，可以从文本和提示句中获得这些信息。feelings 则是暗线，需要进行合理的推测。一是一是通过对两个提示句的分析，可明确推断作者亲身经历了一场生死救援，而且这场经历给予作者的感受是极其深刻的。续写第一段提到“Suddenly, a boy fell off the back of the bus.” 突然一个男孩从公交车的后面摔了下来。需要续写作者在看到男孩摔下来后所进行的活动。第二段提到“The next day, when I went to hosp
11、ital to see the boy, all his family got up, with grateful smiles on their faces.”作者去医院看望了男孩，男孩家人的脸上都露出了感激的笑容。由此可预判作者心中的天平偏向了医院工作的一边。二是二是根据关键字判断情节发展。正文最后一段最后一句提到“It seemed that the business option was going to win out.” 似乎金融行业要胜出了，但在续写第一段中的suddenly使得后文出现了一个转折，因此第一段可以描写作者帮助出车祸男孩的过程。第二段则可以描写作者在看望男孩且收到男
12、孩家人感谢的过程中再次感受到了医护工作给他带来的成就感和幸福感，由此作者认为医院的工作会更适合他。最后升华主题，人们总是在花时间做选择，正确的择业观就是幸福他人，快乐自己。【主要问题】主要问题】 1.依据段落首句创设的情节出现错位，过早地把第二段出现的情节呈现在第一段；2.不能把笔墨均匀分布在两个自然段，第一段写的过长，第二段草草收场。3.基本句式的应用过于生硬，语言不连贯不灵动，描述过于平淡。4.作文的开头与提示句无法形成自然的衔接和延伸。His head bumped against the hard ground with blood bleeding constantly and th
13、e boy curled up, moaning bitterly.2.双腿重重地撞在地上，他突然大哭起来，脸上特别苍白。With his legs striking against the ground heavily, he burst out crying with his face deadly pale.3. 这场意外事故使交通突然中断。附近惊慌失措的人们高声尖叫着。The unexpected accident put a sudden brake on the traffic flow. Loud cries burst from the panic-stricken peopl
14、e nearby. 1. 这个男孩一头栽地，鲜血直流。他蜷缩着身子，痛苦呻吟(moan)着。4.在这个关键时刻，没有丝毫的犹豫，我赶紧把他送到我工作的医院。在等待那个男孩时我坐立不安。At this critical moment, without the slightest hesitation, I rushed him to the hospital where I was working. I was on pins and needles while waiting for the boy.5.意识到必须在短时间内采取救生措施，我冲出车，迅速从后备箱里取出急救箱。“呼叫紧急服务”，我
15、一边喊一边从人群中挤过去，走向那个男孩。Realizing that life-saving measures must be taken in a short time, I dashed out of my car and swiftly grabbed the first-aid kit from the trunk. “Call emergency service”, I shouted as I forced my way through the crowds to the boy. 6.我检查他的呼吸，发现由于失血过多，呼吸变得越来越微弱。我知道哪怕浪费一秒都会威胁到他的生命，于是
16、我迅速包扎伤口，并不断施压止血。I checked his breath, only to find it increasingly weaker due to the massive loss of blood. Knowing any second wasted would threaten his life, I quickly bandaged the wound and kept applying some pressure to stop it from bleeding. 7.幸运的是，没过多久救护车就赶到了，把他送到了最近的医院。Fortunately, it didnt ta
17、ke long before the ambulance arrived and rushed him to the nearest hospital. 8.男孩的母亲紧紧握住我的双手，用哽咽的声音说：“谢谢，孩子。要不是你的及时和专业的支持，我的孩子现在就危险了。你真是我家人的福气。”Taking my both hands in hers firmly, the boys mother said in a choked voice, “thanks, child. But for your timely and professional support, my boy wouldnt be
18、 safe now. You are a real blessing to my family.”9. 就在那一刻，一种强烈的自豪感从我内心深处油然而生。也正是在这一刻，我在内心闪现一个想法做一个医生，一个我将终生追求的目标。Just at that very moment, a strong sense of pride arose from my deep heart. It was also just at the moment that an idea sprang into my mind -to be a doctor, one I will be pursuing in my w
19、hole life.10. 幸亏有这段经历，我才不会在职业生涯的道路上苦苦挣扎，因为我知道，做医生的种子已经深深地扎根在我的心里。Thanks to this experience, never would I be torn between the career paths as I knew a seed of making a doctor had been deeply planted in my heart.11.突然间，我意识到，没有什么比成为一名医生并为他人的人生产生真正的影响更值得的了。All of a sudden, I awoke to the fact that ther
20、e was nothing more rewarding than to become a doctor and make a real difference to others life. Suddenly, a boy fell off the back of the bus. He hit the road face down and rolled over. He lay motionless in the middle of the road as the bus sped away. None of the cars behind the bus stopped. In fact,
21、 I felt the same urge to keep going, but the urge to stop and help was stronger. Knowing that he could die in a matter of minutes, I stopped my car and carefully examined the body. With the help of some passers-by, I lifted his unconscious body into the car and raced back to the hospital. After his
22、family was contacted, and he was wheeled into emergency surgery, I drove home, exhausted. The next day, when I went to hospital to see the boy, all his family got up, with grateful smiles on their faces. The mother held my hands to her face and started weeping. “Son, you are an angel!” she repeated.
23、 What a feeling this was, to help save the life of another person! I spent the rest of the day in a state of excitement, the most thrilling mood I had ever experienced. Driving home that evening, I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Two months of placements could not match what 30 minutes helping an accident victim had done for me. We spend a lot of our time wondering what path to take in our lives. This experience taught me that at times, these decisions are made for you-and that whatever happens is always for the best.
